the gift

Resonate. Resonance. I takes me back to the Last Lecture once again. I’m so thankful for this book and the story of Randy Pausch’s life to come in to my awareness. In one chapter he asks “What were my childhood dreams?”  One of them that comes to mind rather vividly is my interest in the botanica around the corner from my father’s shop on South Flores in San Antonio. My intrigue in Vodoo, Santeria and the cuandera that my father used to visit. My longing as an adult to work with a medicine man. The timing isn’t right at this moment in my life to do something such as this but I know I will grow old studying and learning from a variety of “healers” and how they are able to help others. I’ve been contemplating why I want to do this. What is it about this desire? Partly, I want to carry on the tradition of folk medicine. It is also very empowering to know how to treat oneself.

But what else is there to all of this? The questions were bubbling up and as luck would have it, we discussed the concept of healer and wounded healer archetype in my last class at Teleosis. I’ve been struggling for perhaps the last 6 to 9 months on what it means for me to be a healer. It was really helpful to to begin to put this in a context. I’m not sure I personally relate to the wounded healer so much as the healer. Yes I’ve been wounded but I think to not be wounded is abnormal. So maybe I might say most are wounded in some capacity. However, I am having difficulty with the feeling of “giftedness” by my some of my abilities.   Not so much to heal others because I’m not in this role yet but I do feel that healing energy comes to me in a relatively natural way. The idea that one is born in to this world to heal others – does this make one “special.” I want to be careful of this thinking. I like the way my husband put it, it is a gift that must be shared and given to others. I want to think of myself more as a conduit that others should be able to utilize.